Blog Series: The Dating Adventures of a Nerdy Black Girl


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I know I’ve been MIA for a few weeks since my last post. There were some issues that I couldn’t avoid, physically. I was submitted to the ER twice and had multiple visits to my doctor because of this. At the moment, the cause of it has not been pinpointed. But, I’m sure I will find out the reasoning is soon.

Moving on! As the title suggests, I’m going to start a blog series for everyone to enjoy and learn from. The Dating Adventures of a Nerdy Black Girl will be my own personal stories on the dating scene. I’ve dated some interesting guys (to put it lightly), as well as some really great ones.

But, my reasoning for posting these future entries will be due to the fact that most of these were interracial. I’m noticing lately that interracial dating has become more apparent and I’m happy about it! I really do believe that love has no boundaries and people should be open-minded about dating outside of their race, if I must use this phrase in that context. I wanted to share my own dating experiences with people who were not African-American. Of course, I have dated black men and I will talk about them as well, but I will also include my dating stories with other races.

I plan to post a story once a week, as I do want to continue with my other topics and interests on this blog. I hope you guys read and provide some thoughtful comments!

Thoughts: “Retarded Festival” – How A Coworker Insulted Two Issues With One Statement


No-tolerance-for-ignorance

I’m sure it doesn’t help that I am the youngest person in my department at the age of 27 (which I still think is old), but my tolerance of nonsensical drivel that comes out of people’s mouths has decreased with every passing day.

I work in an office environment, if I can even call it that. I call it “Prison w/ Decent Benefits.” I barely have anyone that I can relate to for 8 hours of my life, 5 days a week. Most of the employees in this department are in their late 40s or 50s, close to retiring or barely alive (Here’s the real reason why you can’t find a job, 25-35 year olds!). Anyone that I can even consider close to my age is nearing 36, is married and has kids. So, the stench of the generation gap is strong here. Or it’s the old people smell. Close enough.

As I was sitting at the front desk of the lobby area, covering a break for the young temp worker they hired until the big wigs figure out what they want to do with this open position, an older gentleman (dare I call him that) appeared at the front desk. He began to create idle small talk about the new mailing system that had been installed earlier that day, along with the utilities department coming tomorrow to fix issues with carpet bubbling in certain rooms. Earlier that week he had to stay late, along with our head administrator, to make sure that each room had gotten done. However, they missed a few spots and would be returning Saturday morning.

“She told them they better be done by 10am.” He proclaimed, regarding the head administrator’s comments about having to come in on Saturday morning. “She said she doesn’t want to get stuck in that mess.”

“What mess?” I asked, confused. “Is there an event this weekend or something?” I’m completely unaware of major events happening in my current city, because I’ve been too preoccupied with trying to stay alive. The struggle from the recession is real.

“Uh, yeah.” He answered, surprised at my lack of knowledge. “The retarded festival is this weekend.”

A blank stare appears on my face, signaling that I’m still lost on what the hell he was talking about.

“It’s that Gay Pride festival they have every year that clogs up downtown for 5 hours.” He states, shaking his head in annoyance. “Like I said, the retarded festival.”

I laughed in utter disbelief, not at the fact that poor residences or even businesses in the downtown area would be trapped for a very large event and parade. But, at the terms he used to describe a Gay Pride festival and parade that has been a tradition in this city for well over 30 years (With George Takei being the Grand Marshall for the parade this year. Oh my!)

“Really? The retarded festival?” I asked, my brain still trying to process how he came up with such a name.

“Well, that’s what that stuff is: retarded.” He stated with a laugh as he made his way out the glass doors, probably to spit more crap from that hole on this face.

Listen, I get it. Not everyone is in support of Gay Rights and the LGBTQIA (that’s a lot of letters, guys) fight towards equality. Whether it is for religious reasons, personal disdain towards people of the same gender being able to love each other openly, or fear. There is no reason to give it such a shitty name. Not only does it offend the very people risking their lives for this cause, it insults people with disabilities and mental incapability.

I mean, come on, “Retarded Festival?!”

2 reasons this hit me personally:

I have a great-aunt, who I love deeply and need to spend more time with because she is downright awesome, that is a lesbian.  This woman is in her 50s and still looks like she’s in her late 30s (Black people age well. Be jealous). She has been openly gay for many years, has a daughter and a granddaughter that she loves dearly, has a fun and hilarious personality and a great outlook on life. I mean, she can out skate me at a roller rink with ease and dance me under the table! I can’t dance well anyway, but that’s not the point.

I also happen to have a cousin, the same age as myself, with downs syndrome. While she may be hard to comprehend when she speaks, and may not be able to grasp things as quickly as her peers, she’s still a feisty, fast talking girl who will probably beat your ass if you insult her or her family. She can argue with me about certain subjects and has had more boyfriends than I ever will.

They may not be the societal “norm,” but they are still humans, with lives, passions, ideas and rights.

People are not going to accept them and they know that. Do they care? No. They could’ve give two shits about what people think of them, yet they still exist and persevere. That’s what makes them even more courageous.

So, old man with a growing back problem who is married yet still hits on girls that could be his own daughters and thinks his voice matters, keep your opinions to your damn self. I’d dare you to say that in front of the very people you insult. But I doubt you will, because you’re a damn coward.

This is why some old people need to die off already. You’ve done your time. Please exit, stage left and off a cliff.

Status: Surprise! I’m back.


Yep. I obviously fail at keeping track of how long time has passed.

Yep. I obviously fail at keeping track of how long time has passed.

Oi, it’s been over a year, hasn’t it?

Time flies when you’re not having much fun being a functioning adult. I’m sure that’s not how the saying goes, but it sounds much better than the original.

But, real life just took over for quite some time. Then, I realized that I had been neglecting my little space in the Internet for too long. I decided that it was high time I gave reality a smack in the face and took charge.

So, it’s time to dust and vacuum! This space will currently be in use. I plan to update much more frequently, since I have plenty of topics and experiences to discuss.

Hope to be welcomed back with open arms!

Thoughts: Motivation


And here it is, folks! Another New Year, another plague of people making lists of resolutions, only for them to never do it or forget about them.

I try not to make resolutions. I just carry everything over from the last year that I didn’t get to accomplish, because I know that some things do take a long time to complete.

But, my problem with getting anything of purpose done is motivation.

Seriously. After a while, I just stop caring.

After a while of making lists, writing down things to remind me of what I need to do and accomplish, eventually I just don’t care. I have no motivation whatsoever to do things, whether they are little or small.

Where did this attitude come about? I think it started around my first two years of college. I had goals, I had dreams! I was focused, organized and dedicated to my major and following this path that I had created and tried to pursue.

Then, something that resembled a speed train hitting a car appeared out of nowhere and crushed any hopes I had. It’s called reality.

Some of these goals were just unrealistic. A lot of these things were put on hold to never gain fruition. Most of it was financial, while the rest was environmental, mental and due to lack of confidence. I failed 3 classes, which is something that has never happened to me before, and they were pre-requisite classes (classes needed to be accepted into the program). I figured that if I couldn’t even pass these classes, there was no way I was going to succeed in my major courses (if I even got accepted). Having been hit with a huge bout of disappointment, (in myself mostly), my once powerful and headstrong nature disappeared. You see, I was a very shy, low confidence kid growing up. I was the nerdy, teacher’s pet from pre-school through the 9th grade. It wasn’t until 10th grade where I finally just grew a pair and stopped giving a shit about people. I’ve kept that part of my demeanor and I plan to never let it go. I became motivated and determined with everything in life. But, after college, I just stopped caring. I graduated with a degree I loved (despite the department and some of the professors being useless and horribly demeaning, along with being the only black student in the whole major. That can be a bit discouraging) and decided to get a job right out of college (You know, back when most of us had a choice before the recession).

But now, I’m not happy with the way things are going for me. I’m working (a full-time job and a small part-time one tutoring English), living in a nice city that’s active, have a great boyfriend and my family is well and healthy. But, I’m not fully content.

I need MORE. No, not superficial things like more money (which would still be a nice perk) and things. More fulfilling items.

holstee-manifesto

If I could find this in poster size, I would have it up in my second bedroom/office.

One word out of that whole block of word mess sticks out to me the most: Passion.

I seriously don’t have it. I did a few years ago, but it disappeared and I haven’t been able to find it. I’ve been trying to get it back, but it’s hard to do once you lose it. You get into a rut, a pit really, and you have to claw your way out.

I had dreams and hopes of what I wanted to do. But now, I’m back to the point in high school where I was asked, “What do you want to do for the rest of your life?”

I thought I knew, but…. I don’t think I do anymore. Is that anyone else’s fault? Goodness, no. It’s mine and I need to focus on it.

I need to fix it.

So, for the past year or so, I’ve been trying to get back on track. Get motivated, so to speak.

Last year, around my 25th birthday (will be 26 this Monday! SEND PRESENTS), I made an account on a website called Day Zero Project.  While some of those goals will obviously take quite some time, there are many others that are short and easy to accomplish. I just need to find the time to do it. What I should add to that list is, “Get organized.” There are so many things I want to do or try that I lose track of them. Writing them down never helps, because I lost track of the paper or book I placed them in. What I really need to do is use a site like this to track my progress. If I had html or developer skills, I’d just make my own website (HEY, I could ask the boyfriend about it, since he’s a developer).

So, small things like that are what keep me a bit more motivated. Making lofty goals and dreaming of doing things just kills any motivation I have in the long run. I need to start small, then work my way up to the bigger dreams.

And, of course, be positive.

Thoughts: Donating


Clothes Pile!

Clothes Pile!

photo (2)

Clothes Pile #2!

No, that is not my bedroom covered in a mess of clothes. That’s my second bedroom/office.

After spending some money and buying new clothes for the winter seasons (which I hope to not have to do again for the next 2 years because I’m cheap), I also decided that it would be best to clean out my closets/boxes/drawers and donate my old clothes.

I had been meaning to do it for a long time, but procrastination appears to be my best friend. Some of the clothes were old, worn, and torn. Some, I trashed because of the condition. But these remaining stacks were suitable enough to give away.

I couldn’t even fit half of them anymore. I didn’t realize it, but some of the clothes were from high school, and I know for a fact that I cannot fit into a Size 4 anything no matter how much I tried (as much as I would LOVE to be 118lbs again, I don’t think it’s going to happen).

After writing down just how many of each item I had, I piled them all into trash bags and boxes. I had a total of 4 bags full of clothing and 2 boxes of accessories (belts, shoes, etc). I plan to drop them off at a Salvation Army or Goodwill over the weekend. I would’ve done it yesterday, but my arms are so sore from getting vaccines in both of them at the doctors.

Besides, it’s a good time of year to do it! You never know if a young 20-something or teenager could be looking for some well taken care of tops from the Gap and Forever 21, or jeans from H&M. Sure, they may be a few months and even a good 3-4 years behind in fashion, but it will be cheaper or maybe even free for them.

It’s also an awesome way to clear up space for more clothes… which is something I don’t need.

Thoughts: Christmas Lists


One thing I remember doing around the holidays as a kid was making a Christmas List and giving it to my family. And, of course, Santa (when I still believed in him).

Yet after a certain age, when you learn the real way you get gifts is through the love (and pockets) of others, you stop making lists and just tell people upfront.

Well, why can’t we still make a list anyway? Sure, you may not get everything on it (or nothing at all), but it’s still fun!

After some careful thinking (and just downright wishing), here is my own Christmas List:

A nice, simple Christmas List (Sarcasm)

Expensive ($65 and up):

-       DSLR Camera (Nikon, Canon, Olympus)

-       New Car (Between the years of 2007-2010 and must be a Honda Civic, Subaru, Mazda, BMW or Hyundai Genesis)

-       iMac

      $50,000 (I can dream, right?)

-       Pullip & Taeyang Dolls

Middle ($35 – $60):

-       Shoes (Size 11)

Boots
Heels
Flats

-       Wallet (A black one, somewhat leather)

-       Purse (Also black, but I’m picky about these)

Cheap ($0 – $30):

-       Lips Gloss

Forever 21
Sephora

-       Concealer

Sephora
M.A.C.

-       Eyeshadow Primer

Sehpora
M.A.C.

-       Knee-High Socks (Black)

H&M
Forever 21
ASOS

-       Figures

Cats
Anime/Manga (Sailor Moon, Cowboy Bebop, K-On!, Final Fantasy, Nana)

-       Scarfs

      Computer Speakers

-       Star Trek Vintage Glasses (All 4)

-       The Dark Knight Rises DVD/Bluray

-       Jewelry (White gold or Silver Only)

Roses (Black or Silver)
Butterflies
Watch Lockets

-       Video Games

Batman: Arkham City
Portal 2 (Played it, but want to own it)
The World Ends With You (Old, yes, but I want to play it)

-       Gift Cards!

Forever 21
H&M
ASOS
Target
Pitaya
Sephora
DSW
Game Stop
Visa Gift Card with Specific Amount of Money

I would think I could get some of these items. I’ve been good… for about %45 of the year, so here’s to a hoping for a slew of gifts!

So, what’s on your list? Feel free to comment with yours!

Thoughts: Make-Up


I absolutely hate make-up. Always have since I first had it on my face. For some reason, it just makes me feel like I have a sheet cake plastered all over. Some make-up also irritates the skin, as I have a skin condition called Eczema. This causes my skin to become rather dry and easily irritable. So, any products I use have to be created for that issue.

Um.... NO.

Um…. NO.

But, I have sadly sucked up my hatred and pride and decided to wear make-up. Why, you ask?

Because of personal observation.

I think I need to get over it and start wearing it more often. I always feel like a young kid when I’m at work or out in pubic. To me, it appears as if everyone else dresses in great outfits, wears make-up and heels and looks gorgeous. I just… feel so damn frumpy and plain. While I will certainly wear jeans and a t-shirt any day of the week, I just think that as I progressively get older and develop into a more professional and confident being that I should be open to new styles. I am 25 (will be 26 in January), and I should start acting and dressing like it (the acting bit may not come until I’m near 30 LOL).

The left is my normal comfort zone (Hoodies are my security blankets).  The right is what I SHOULD be wearing as an adult.

The left is my normal comfort zone (Hoodies are my security blankets). The right is what I SHOULD be wearing as an adult.

 

So, over the weekend, I decided to take a journey to a local shopping district in Columbus called The Easton. That place is a small city within a city. Not only does it have average to upscale shopping stores, it has a slew of restaurants, bistros, cafe, department stores, car dealerships as well as apartments, condos and major company headquarters. I could never live there. Too crowded, noisy and bright.

My main purpose of visiting was to stop by three stores: H&M, Forever 21 and Sephora. Out of the 3, I spent most of my time in Forever 21 and Sephora.

I can get lost in F21. I can roam around there for a good 2 hours because of their board selection. While they do have the teenage-trendy look and club-bodycon styles, they also have a business, modern and contemporary section as well. That’s where I spent most of my time, along with the sale/clearance section. I’m cheap, damnit. I will never spend over $20 for a dress (unless it’s for a rather formal occasion) or $15 for a pair of jeans. So, if I see a dress that I’ve had my eye on for a long time, and it’s somewhere between $30-$60, you better believe I will come back in a few weeks to see if it’s dropped in price. I did find some token items there, but I’ll have to save that for future post.

The Kohls and Old Navy dress on the right are too damn expensive...

The Kohls dress is too damn expensive…

As for the make-up, I had never stepped foot in a Sephora in my life. I had heard many reviews and raves about the store, but why would I need to visit? I wasn’t fond of make-up. But, considering that I had no where else to go, I took my first adventure inside.

Not only is it huge, but the selection is just as large. I had no idea where to start. There were so many brands, as well as colors.

The staff was fantastic and knowledgable. Most make-up booths or stores just want you to buy a product and when they do consulting, it feels as if they are literally putting all of the make-up on your face. The girl who assisted me was attentive, intelligent about product and knew how to put on make-up like a pro. I barely felt it on my face. With such an awesome first impression, I did end up buying something. She didn’t encourage it, as she knew I was on a budget, and offered me samples of anything I wanted. But, I went out on a leap and bought a few things:

First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Cream ($18)
First Aid Beauty Ultra Repair Moisturizer ($28)
Sephora Collection Glossy Gloss ($12)
Spehora Collection Matifying Compact Foundation ($20)
NARS Pure Radiant Tinted Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 30 (Sample to try for a while, so free!)

Total: $78.

That was the most I had EVER spent on make-up in my life. I already had some brushes and eye shadow from many years ago (when I first gave make-up a try in high school), so they have been locked away and sealed in a careful fashion. However, the two items that I really wanted to have were the Cream and Moisturizer, because of how great they felt against my skin. My skin dries out so easily after a few hours, so I was really interested in getting something that could keep it moist. After trying them for 3 days, I’m very impressed with the treatment!

As for how well I look in make-up after putting it on myself, that’s also for a future post, as I plan to have images for before and after steps.